Strange Powers

Veronica Britton: Chronic Detective

2011-04-28T07:11:00.000-07:00

'Veronica Britton: Chronic Detective' is a new series from Proxima Books, starting in September. More details here.

Transmission

2011-04-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

'Transmission' appeared in Litro magazine in April 2011.

Doctor Who: 1963

2011-03-09T14:25:00.000-08:00

'1963', my Doctor Who story featuring the First Doctor, Barbara, Ian, and Vicki, is out now on the 'Short Trips Volume 2' audiobook from Big Finish. It's read - brilliantly - by William Russell.

Salvador Dali's 115th Dream

2010-11-27T11:03:00.000-08:00

Salvador Dali's 115th Dream was read splendidly by Ben Crystal at Liars' League on the 9th of November 2010. Read it before bed.

Doctor Who: The TV Movie

2010-10-02T10:58:00.000-07:00

The re-released DVD of the 1996 Doctor Who TV Movie features a brand new text commentary track by me - buy it here as part of the Revisitations Box. There are some great new extras in this set - my favourite involving Simon Guerrier, Joe Lidster and Josie Long...

Bernice Summerfield: The Empire Variations

2010-10-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

'The Empire Variations', a very fun story featuring Bev Tarrant, Bernice Summerfield and Andy Warhol appears in 'Present Danger', available now from Big Finish!

The Frames and more

2010-07-31T15:16:00.000-07:00

'The Frames' appeared in issue 56 of Dark Horizons, the journal of the British Fantasy Society.

And here's a belated plug for my text commentaries on two Classic Doctor Who DVDs: 'The Deadly Assassin' and 'The Horns of Nimon'.

More stories and another commentary coming soon...

Click of Time: Reflections on the Digital Age

2010-05-16T00:35:00.000-07:00

'Click of Time: Reflections on the Digital Age' is a beautifully produced piece of futurology from the Anglia Ruskin Publishing MA group. It includes my story, 'The Love Machines'.

The book is an excellent read, and can be purchased in paper or e-reader form here.

Doctor Who: 1963

2010-05-10T12:52:00.000-07:00

Doctor Who: 1963 will appear on a forthcoming 'Short Trips' audiobook, released by Big Finish. Linkage is here.

Market Forces

2010-03-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

'Market Forces' was specially written for the Liars' League performance at the Market Estate Project on the 6th of March 2010. It was read by Marc Forde.

Market Forces

There is a market stall just behind you. Don’t look now – most likely you wouldn’t see anything. And if you did – well, I’m not sure it’s the kind of thing you should see.

It’s much safer if I describe it for you.

It’s a small booth, covered with a material that looks like old sackcloth. The counter is about halfway up; it’s a narrow shelf, made of a pale, unvarnished wood, and it holds the seller’s wares.

They don’t look very enticing. They consist of about a dozen vessels made of greyish clay. They are curved at the top and taper towards the base: they look like the little jars you’ll see in the Egyptian rooms of the British Museum, the ones that were used to store the body parts of the dead. Each one is stopped tightly with a wad of dirty cloth.

It is the stallholder himself who would catch your eye.

He is a pale man, deathly pale. So pale, you can see the blue veins running underneath his skin. He stands perfectly still, and if it weren’t for his eyes, you might think he was some sort of sculpture.

His eyes are dark and glistening. The irises are so large that there is practically no white around the edges: but you can tell from the reflected light that he is looking around, his gaze darting from side to side as he watches for a customer.

He is sizing you up right now. I told you not to look.

He is interrupted by a man approaching the stall with quick, determined strides. You would say he is in his twenties from his appearance, but you wouldn’t be entirely sure that you were correct. He walks with his head to the ground: he looks worn out, poor soul.

In his hand, he carries a jar identical to the ones on sale. He puts it down heavily on the counter.

‘Good-day, sir,’ says the stallholder. He inclines his head slightly. His movements are mechanical: they are like those of the fortune-telling automata you would see in old fairgrounds and penny arcades.

‘Don’t you remember me?’ the customer replies.

‘Of course, sir,’ says the stallholder. ‘I never forget a customer.’

‘Then you know why I’m here.’

‘My goods,’ says the stallholder, ‘are never faulty. So I would assume, sir, that you are here because you have not found my product to your satisfaction?’

‘No,’ says the customer, curtly.

‘Let me see,’ says the stallholder. He reaches beneath the counter and pulls out a thick volume bound in pale leather. He regards his customer carefully, and then opens the book in the middle and begins to turn the pages. They are made of thick parchment which crackles as he handles them.

Finally he stops, presses down a leaf, and reads a line or two.

‘Nine hundred years,’ he says, and whistles. ‘You took your time, sir.’

‘I’ve been trying for at least a hundred,’ the customer replies. ‘But you weren’t here.’

The stallholder shakes his head.

‘I’m always here,’ he says. ‘I was here when it was all fields. I was here when it was a market square. Then it was a housing estate. Today there’s some sort of party going on. Tomorrow the bulldozers will be in, and it’ll be something else again. I’m always here, though. ‘

‘Then why couldn’t I find you?’

‘My opening hours,’ the stallholder replies, ‘are not entirely regular. You’ve got to be quick.’

He returns to the book, and runs his finger along the lines.

‘Now, sir, I wonder if you could produce a receipt.’

The customer rummages in his pockets. He pulls out a yellowed scroll, tied with a ribbon and sealed with a blob of red wax. He hands it to the stallholder, who breaks the seal with one swift motion of a long, sharp fingernail, and unrolls it.

‘Yes,’ he says. ‘This all seems to be in order.’ He looks more closely at the bottom of the paper. ‘I gave you a good price, too, if you don’t mind me saying so, sir.’

‘Can I have my refund?’ the customer asks impatiently.

The stallholder lifts a single, bony finger in the air.

‘Terms and conditions,’ he says. ‘Terms and conditions. Might I ask why sir is requesting a refund?’

‘I’m tired,’ says the customer. ‘I am so, so tired.’

‘One might have hoped nine hundred years of unbridled youth might have given sir more profound insights,’ the stallholder laments. ‘Is there nothing else you have learned?’

The customer pauses and thinks for a couple of minutes. Finally, he speaks.

‘Things,’ he says, sadly, ‘can always get worse.’

The stallholder claps his hands with glee.

‘Excellent. Now, let me see - ’

He pulls out a large round leather bag. It makes a heavy chink as he sets it down on the counter. Without taking his eyes off his customer, he puts his hand in and takes out a small bronze coin.

‘Your refund, sir.’

The customer stares at the object in the stallholder’s palm.

‘Is that the original coin I paid you with?’ he asks.

The stallholder nods. ‘I never spend my profits, sir.’

‘Why not?’

‘The profits are not important. The point of this stall is not to create a demand for life, sir. Quite the opposite. I have found that a certain amount of eternal life, judiciously applied to a population creates – well, a demand for my main line of work.’

The customer doesn’t reply. He is still gazing at the coin. Gently, gently, the stallholder begins to close his fingers around it. The customer lunges forward and snatches it from the stallholder’s hand.

The customer staggers back as his hand begins to dissolve around the coin. Then his arm begins to melt, his torso, his head, his legs. All turns to vapour, as the coin falls to the floor and rolls away.

There is just the stall now, and the stallholder. He is looking me straight in the eye, as if he is asking me a question.

Perhaps one day soon, I shall go to him and ask for my refund. But not yet. Not yet.

***

The Reconstruction

2010-03-03T09:53:00.000-08:00

'The Reconstruction' appears in issue 93 of Litro, out in March 2010. The magazine is available free from all sorts of places.

The Love Machines

2010-02-19T15:20:00.000-08:00

The Love Machines was read by Sarah Feathers at 'Liars League: Love & Marriage' on the 9th of February 2010.

Time Crunch

2010-01-12T10:04:00.000-08:00

'Time Crunch' appears in issue 2 of 'Loquacious Placemat'. It's available as a pdf online, or you may find it on your table at certain bars and diners in the United States.

Anji and Ben

2009-12-07T09:05:00.001-08:00

'Anji and Ben' appears in issue 15 of 'Smoke: A London Peculiar'. A short excerpt is here, and you can order it online here. It will also be appearing soon on the shelves of various London bookshops.

The Best Horror, Fantasy, & Science Fiction of 2009

2009-11-22T05:34:00.000-08:00

One of my stories, Demonology, is included in The Best Horror, Fantasy, & Science Fiction of 2009, published by the Absent Willow Review. It's available from amazon.com here.

Spectres at the Feast

2009-10-19T09:03:00.000-07:00

I'm on the bill at the 'Spectres at the Feast' event on the 29th of October, 7-10pm. It's in Dirty Dick's pub, near Liverpool Street station. Do come along...

Blood Relative

2009-10-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Blood Relative was read at 'Liars' League: Blood and Thunder' on the 13th of October 2009.

The Duplicated Man

2009-10-14T01:53:00.000-07:00

The Duplicated Man appears in the Fall '09 issue of 'Sonar 4 Ezine'.

How to Disappear Completely

2009-10-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

How to Disappear Completely appears in this October's 'DOGZPLOT Flash Fiction'.

The Victim

2009-10-02T10:47:00.001-07:00

The Victim appears in the Autumn print edition of 'Sein und Werden'. You can order a copy here.

The Return

2009-10-02T10:44:00.000-07:00

The Return is in this month's 'A cappella Zoo'. It is now online, but you can also order a copy from the website.

The Murder Mystery

2009-09-21T10:48:00.000-07:00

The Murder Mystery was published in 'Scalped' on the 21st of September 2009.

Gleam

2009-09-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

Gleam was published in 'The Fabulist' on the 3rd of September 2009.

En Route

2009-08-12T11:22:00.000-07:00

More stories will appear in 'A cappella Zoo' and the print edition of 'Sein und Werden' in the near future.

A Call to Arms

2009-07-23T00:06:00.000-07:00

A Call to Arms was read by Annalie Wilson at 'Liars' League: Rebels & Tyrants' on the 14th of July 2009.

Coming Soon to a Screen Near You

2009-06-23T12:15:00.000-07:00

More stories are coming soon. They will appear in 'Aposiopieces', 'Sonar 4 Ezine' and 'The Fabulist'.

Linkage will be provided.

Demonology

2009-05-16T09:31:00.000-07:00

Demonology was published in 'The Absent Willow Review' on the 16th of May 2009.

Now Stop Worrying and Enjoy your Life

2009-04-19T08:42:00.000-07:00

Now Stop Worrying and Enjoy your Life was read at 'Liars' League: Bridge & Tunnel' on the 14th of April 2009 by Ray Newe.

Preview of Coming Attractions

2009-03-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

More stories coming soon, courtesy of 'Liars' League' and 'The Absent Willow Review'.

Dog Years

2009-02-18T11:36:00.001-08:00

Dog Years was read at 'Tales of the DeCongested' on the 6th of February 2009.

The website has now vanished, so here's the story.

Dog Years

I get asked what my secret is. I say you just have to stick around long enough, and you’ll reach all sorts of ages. I was born back in the fifteen fifties, but there are plenty of people I know who are older than me. I once met a man in France who said he grew up in a cave during the Ice Age. Little man he was, looked malnourished, missing a couple of fingers. Always opening windows and turning the heating down.

As he sat across the table in the Brasserie Bofinger in Paris, carefully nibbling and sucking the last pieces of pink meat from his lamb shank, we talked about the problems of having to learn new languages the whole time. It was relatively okay for me – I just had to remember to stop calling people ‘thou’ and say things like ‘got’ instead of ‘gotten’. I never managed to get rid of my Elizabethan London accent though; so most people assume I’m American.

My ex-caveman friend, meanwhile, he had a hard time. He had to go from coarse vocalisations and crude gestures, to Latin, to medieval French, and then on to modern French. ‘Full circle, then,’ I said. He found that funny, and banged the table with the lamb bone. People stared, and he got angry and started waving the bone at them like a club, but I told him to let them stare. It’s important to keep a sense of humour about things. Another word for humour is ‘perspective’. When you get to four hundred and fifty, you realise it’s all about perspective.

I don’t look four hundred and fifty, of course. You’d say I don’t look much older than a regular man in his mid-thirties does. The fact that I age so slowly came as a big surprise, I can tell you. I grew up normal enough. It, whatever it is, kicked in about the time I reached puberty. The first thing I noticed was that I kept my teeth when everyone else’s were falling out. Staying young was very noticeable in those days, believe me, because people got older a lot quicker. Even now, it amazes me how fast people age. There you are, one minute, limber and fit and lithe, and the next thing I know, I see you getting fillings, dying your hair, wincing and holding your back when you stand up. I suppose you have the same experience watching your pets becoming decrepit. To me, you live in dog years. No offence meant.

People ask me if it’s heritable, if there’s some one-off mutation in my genes that I can pass on. The answer, I’m afraid, is no. Some people say it must be terrible to have seen my own children grow old and die, and it was at first, it was. I don’t see it that way any more. Saying it’s wrong to outlive your children is like saying to a gardener that there’s no point in growing flowers, because they only last the summer. Besides, I’m in touch with plenty of my descendents. Admittedly, I sometimes lose track – in fact, it’s perfectly possible that we’re related.

Yes, I’ve been married a good number of times. I’m a great believer in marriage. It really should be for life. All of mine were, although if I’m honest with you, the plague intervened in my fourth marriage in a particularly timely fashion.

Now I don’t want you to think age has made me some sort of font of wisdom. I’m just as screwed up as the next person, and I have the luxury of time, which means I don’t have to learn from my mistakes straight away. I’ve never been very good with money, for example. Tulips, the South Sea Bubble, Dotcom shares. You name it, I’ve thrown money away on it. I lose track of currencies and prices really easily too. If you’re stuck at the back of a shop queue, it’s probably because I’m at the front of it, pulling out thruppenny bits and sixpences, trying to find the right change.

I suppose I lack a sense of urgency. A false sense of security, I think you’d call it. Most of the time I go around in this cloud as if I’m invulnerable. I’m immune to transmissible diseases and cancer, but I could still get beaten up or stabbed or something. One problem with living this long is that you’ll end up fighting in a lot of wars, and even in peacetime, all I’d have to do is take my eye off the ball for a moment. I mean, I read the statistics about people getting killed on the roads. Spread over my sort of lifespan, those odds make it a virtual certainty that that’s the way I’m going to go out.

I’d rather you didn’t tell too many people about our conversation. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that fame is neither desirable nor durable. Can you, for example, tell me a Dan Leno joke, or recite me a line from a Colley Cibber poem? Exactly. But I know a man who came over here from Africa to trade, back when this place was a little town and a couple of mooring points. I know a Roman noblewoman who stayed here because she thought the weather was better for her plants. I know one of the workmen who built the walls of the Tower of London. Trust me, these are the people you really want to know.

I mean, like I was saying before, it’s all about perspective.

You never know, you might be one of us. If you find everyone is getting older while you still get asked for proof of age in bars, it’s possible. Come over and have a chat, I’ll give you some pointers. A warning, though: you won’t be popular.

***

Christmas Future

2009-02-18T11:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas Future was read at 'Liars' League: Lost & Found' on the 9th of December 2008. The MP3 of Paul Clarke's performance is highly recommended.

Introduction

2009-02-18T11:28:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the gathering place for my various pieces published on the web and elsewhere. Just click on the link at the beginning of each post to get to the text. If you'd like pdfs of any of these, just drop me a line. I hope you enjoy the stories.

All text is © Copyright N. P. Boyce 2008/2009